Finally, a book for all of us blokes who just don't get what all this Fifty Shades malarkey is all about.

When apprentice handy man, Dave Johnson, does some freelance landscaping for young entrepreneur, Christina Grey, he encounters a woman who is beautiful, brilliant, and would love to try out a "bit of rough".

The unworldly innocent Dave, like almost every man before him, has no idea what’s going on, and believes Christina simply shares his passions for gardening, sports, and home renovation.

The couple embarks on a passionate, double-entendre filled exploration of lawn mowing, bathroom tiling and mastering the art of swing bowling.

With each story written the way men would like it, incredibly short, the Fifty Shades of Blokes Trilogy won’t ‘possess you’ or ‘obsess you’, but it is quite obviously a parody that will leave you asking:

• How do men and women ever get together?
• How many men are really as simple as Dave?
• How the hell do ‘the real books’ sell a million books a week?

N.B. This series is intended for immature audiences.